Isn't it the worst when you go see a newborn baby, or any baby for that matter, and they're ugly? What do you do? It's like when your friend gets a noticeably awful haircut... do you have to say it looks good even though everyone knows they'll be wearing a hooded jacket outdoors and in ala Jenny Weber circa 1994 (the things I would do for a picture right here). I'm of the school of thought that you just don't mention the bad haircut and if you must, you certainly don't come out saying "It looks so good!" That doesn't make you a friend, that makes you a liar. I'd like to go on record saying I'd like the same principle to be applied to my child. Newborn babies are ugly. Their heads are misshaped, they're wrinkled and covered in nasty body goo. While I may think my baby is cute (although I think I'll even know he's funny looking at best), I certainly do not expect you to. Now, I know you have to say something if you see him in my presence- after all, I just had a baby. Here are some acceptable comments: "Oh, look how small he is!" "Look at all that hair!!!" (I've had bad heartburn, I hear that leads to hairiness- lets hope in the acceptable places. My sister saw a baby who's forehead was hairier than tophead. If this happens, no hair comments please) "He looks just like his daddy" (bahahaha) Any comment on cute fingers/toes are fine because small fingers/toes are cute. You're welcome to call him chunky or tell me his fat legs are cute. But please, we're in a maternity ward, God's in the building, don't let our son's first days in the world be full of lies. If you honestly think my baby is cute then you can certainly say so, who knows, he may take after his mom and be ridiculously good looking his entire life... :)  (I'm the bronzed goddess dressed as a boy-thanks Mom) As a disclaimer, after a bit, babies start to make a turn around and become cute. If you still think my baby is ugly then, by all means, lie through your teeth. |
Coming soon, from Pixar…
10 years ago
2 comments:
Thanks for the tips. As front runner for Godmother I would hate to make the rookie mistake of calling a newborn cute. I can only hope the other contenders don't see this.
On a side note, your acceptable list of compliments to use when you think someone is ugly, brought back some flashbacks of some of our previous conversations.
EP: So Katie how do I look?
Katie: Well, your hairs not on your forehead and I've always admired your small fingers and toes.
EP: Aw, thanks Katie. You're a good friend.
Well Katie, you've outted yourself. The jigs. up. (I'll still be Godmother though)
As someone who has always "told it like it is" I will let you know that Baby Beck has nice skin. I have seen many babies who had the complexion of an aged tomato. Wrinkled, red, and full of blotches. His is a nice pink tone with no blemishes. Although there is a small indication of a slightly slopped frontal lobe it could have just been the picture. Nothing to the degree of your cone headed cousin Emily who looked liked the water slide at Kentucky Kingdom. Hair was nice with a hint of baby goo still in place, nothing a good scrubbing won’t cure. Very cute face and nice thick thighs. Seemed alert and had all his digits. Grandfather mentioned busting with pride, that he was well taken care of by the by the man upstairs but any proof of that was obscured by the belly button clamp which means Grandpa may have been exaggerating just a bit. I would have to give baby Beck a 9.5 overall. I would have given him a 10 but that position is only held by my oldest daughter who upon her arrival in this world looked like a spread eagled chicken with a set of testicles.
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