Dear Margaret Belais Salmon (author of The Joy of Breastfeeding),
Please put down your crack pipe before you write your next book.
Sincerely,
Katie Weber
Preparing for Beck's arrival I did a little research on breastfeeding- there's so much information and support for breastfeeding mothers that it appears breastfeeding is pretty hard to do. I even asked my doctor "Is it really that hard? Or is this just women being dramatic?" She told me that yes, it could be really hard and if Beck or I were getting frustrated that it's no big deal to just give up, breastfeeding isn't for everyone.
Whatever.
I had the easiest pregnancy, the easiest delivery, breastfeeding was also going to be easy. The very first time we tried he latched on immediately and went to town.
Women are idiots.
And here's where I'll start eating my humble pie.
BREASTFEEDING IS HARD!
I guess Beck and I had beginner's luck because ever since then we have been breastfeeding impaired. Enter the nipple shield. This little silicone miracle worker is the only reason Beck isn't sucking back the Similac. The only problem is I'll have to start weaning him from it soon so every time I use it I get anxiety that I'm making it one time harder to get him to be satisfied with just me and my girls.
And that's just the beginning. Even if we were successful at the latch-on, being the only person capable of feeding him (well, me and
Salma Hayek) is exhausting! We women like to talk about how it's not fair that we have to have periods
and children- add breastfeeding to that list too. Which brings me to this. I'm all for God's perfect design and all but I think things would be a lot different had God had a woman do a little proof-reading when he made Adam and Eve. Had I been there I would have a few suggestions....
I would be ecstatic to love any part of my body the way men love their jewels, so why not even out the playing field. No, I'm not suggesting adding anything to my body, but riddle me this Lord, why not give the guys a chance to really bond with their babes? Let women carry the baby for 9 months and then give men the breastfeeding accessories. Or at least give them one. How much easier my life would be if Seth and I could trade off feeding! Yes, I know that's why pumps were invented but I still haven't figured out all the rules and tricks of the trade with my pump. And it actually kinda intimidates me. However, seeing as how Seth probably won't sprout a boob any time soon, I guess I better get to know my Medela Pump In Style.
I hate to sound like I'm complaining, because I love taking care of Beck and I'm happy to feed him whenever he wants (despite what Seth will tell you I act like at 3 AM), I'm just thinking of the what ifs.... because saying "women have the periods, babies and boobs because men just couldn't handle it" only helps so much...
P.S. Dear God, Please don't let me wake up with balls tomorrow.
Since I don't have, nor would share breastfeeding pictures here are some others to enjoy!
Curled up like a bug!
Watching ESPN with daddy
