Funny Stuff

Perpetually Ill

Ahh breast feeding... How you have reeked havoc on my life. How many times must I be pumped and pulled in a way no body should be pumped and pulled. I have come to dread the times 11:00 and 2:00 just knowing I'll be alone in the bathroom, half naked, staring through the crack in the door for at least the next 20 minutes. I hate everything about you. I hate the fact I still can not wear what I'd like to. I hate the fact I still can not drink a tall boy PBR whenever I want to. I hate the fact that secretly I want to breast feed for 12 months just so I can say I did it. I hate the fact that because of you I'm back to my high school weight (ok, don't hate that... love that...)

Why put myself through all this torture?

All for this 20 lb 6 oz, 2 toothed, 97th percentile head circumference love bug. Because breast feeding builds immunity and immunity filled babies don't get sick.

Beginning in February, Beck had his first ear infection in his right ear. That lasted for about 2 months, no antibiotic could wipe it out. No antibiotic except for the nastiest diarrhea inducing medicine on the planet. The maker behind the KinderCare kick out double dump. Augmentin, you have a special place in Hell right next to the man who decided to get rid of the Nerds Blizzard at DQ. Anyway, we found out it had finally cleared up when we took Beck in for his follow up visit. Right ear, perfect, left ear, infected. At that point, I was kinda upset but at least an antibiotic had cleared up the right ear infection and now we just had to get rid of the left one, hopefully faster than the right. This past Friday was Beck's 2 week follow up on his left ear infection and both ears got a clean bill of health!! Finally!!!! Woohoo!

Today... 3 days later... Beck has a double ear infection.

Screw you breast feeding.

A Video of Beck

A video of Beck watching a video of Beck

I don't know which one's cuter!

9 Months Old

Can you believe it? 3/4 of a way to a year. If Beck was born pregnant, I'd be a grandma. And only 3 months left to plan a 1 year old birthday party... contingent on Jenny buying the house I want.

Considering my new disdain for blogging, I'll keep this like Beck, short and sweet. (couldn't resist)

Beck is now eating ONLY real big boy foods. Baby foods are out. He loves broccoli, green beans, corn, chicken casserole, blueberries, carrots, peas, graham crackers, bananas, puffs and baby Mum Mums. He LOVES popcorn and broccoli casserole. He is dieing for a taste of the Nutty Bar which makes me really hopeful for a good show at his first birthday party... contingent on Jenny buying the house I want.

He loves to walk around the house with help from his new push toy and climbing the stairs.

Speak of his push toy (pictured above), is it a walker? I've heard walkers are really bad for babies and they actually delay their walking because it teaches them the wrong way to walk. I always thought a walker was an exersaucer that you could walk around the house in. Now I'm worried that this is a walker because well, that would make sense if that was it's name.

He has 2 teeth!! It's not really official, they've only just broken the skin so they're not all the way in yet.

Can you see them? No, I didn't think so... but they are there. I would know, he bit me today while nursing.. I'll try again in a few days.

Am I Being Irrational?

Ok, I need answers. I am tempted to post this as my status on Facebook because I think I'll get more responses but it's too long so I'm gonna try it here first. Please comment, comment as anonymous, I don't care! I just need opinions!

I ordered a rug from this small company online. I LOVE THE RUG!! They have SO many cute rugs! I was so looking forward to doing business with them in the future. In fact, I typed in the wrong billing address and they called me right away and asked for the corrected one so they could get my order out. They said it would be at my door in 7-10 days! GREAT!

15 days later I haven't gotten it. I decided to call just to see what was going on. Lo and behold it's backordered until June 1st. great.

At this point, I'm a little annoyed at the fact that I had to call to find out it had been backordered. Shouldn't they have notified me?

Anyway, I get an email from some chick named Eve Dobbs today telling me it's been backordered until June 7th and to write with them back with any questions... so I write...

"Am I definitely going to get this rug after June 7th or when the 7th comes around will the vendor say "We don't make this rug anymore" or "Now, it's back ordered until August." Also, as a suggestion, it would have been nice to get this notice soon after I ordered my rug, instead I got it nearly 3 weeks later. Had I known at the time that it would take until June, I would have ordered a different rug and now my second choice isn't available." Now, I realize this could have been written a little more politely but it most certainly could have been written a lot more hatefully. I honestly just wanted to know if it was a possibility that I would not get the rug and I also just wanted to give them a suggestion about their company. AND if they wanted to give me a discount that wouldn't hurt :) Anyway, this is what they wrote back This is the updated date that the vendor gave us. We do expect you to receive them on that date. Thanks Should I be mad? Because I am! I think that response is kinda rude and it definitely doesn't go with the policy "the customer is always right." Even the font is rude. They should have said "I know, you're right, we're sorry about that but the vendor just let us know so we wanted to pass along the message as soon as possible. I definitely think you'll get it in June but let me know if you'd like to make any changes to your order. Sorry for the inconvenience." If they had said that I would have been very happy and then would recommend this company to all my friends. Instead I am giving them an awful customer service review. Now you're wondering "who is this awful company?" I can't tell you because if you see the website you will want to order something from them and you won't care about my awful review. I don't want to give them any more business. Anyway, am I being irrational? Should I be mad? AND should I call customer service to let them know about their rude email replier? I bet the woman who answers the phone also answers the email... Dumb Eve Dobbs. You can suck it.

Child REARing

Rear. As in Butt.

Who didn't like butt jokes when they were little? Or calling people butt heads? When I was a youngster, I even changed Madonna's lyrics to Cherish in ode of butts, "Romeo and Juliet they never scrubbed their butts I bet."

Some things never change.

I still think butts are the funniest part of the human body. I will always think a fart is hilarious and well just months ago I cowrote an entire song about Beck's butt.... you want the lyrics don't you? And you should know that I'm physically incapable of not smirking when someone says "We do do promotional videos/catering/what have you" because well, they pretty much just said poop. It's actually a good thing because as a mom, if you're butt shy, well you're in deep shhhh. Ha.

Show me someone who's never enjoyed a variation of the butt and I'll show you a liar.

Well, my friends (ahem, free baby sitters), if I never see another butt again it will be too soon.

These past 2 weeks of Beck having a stomach virus/antibiotic induced diarrhea have warped my view on butts. Who knew a butt could cause such havoc? I've never seen so much "rea" in my life... I've never changed so many diapers in my life... I've never changed so many outfits in my life.... MY OUTFITS.

A fart is no longer a cause for laughter it's a cause for cover. It does not bring me joy it brings me fear and anxiety. And what's worse is anticipating the fact that any day now, roles could be reversed... what's to stop me from catching this virus??

Butts and all things butt related are dead to me.

Beck even got kicked out of KinderCare for pooping twice in 1 hour. REALLY?? You're not allowed to poop twice in 1 hour? I know a handful of people who'd never be allowed at KinderCare. Ok, actually, I take it all back, getting kicked out of KinderCare for dumping twice within 60 minutes is hilarious. Do you think they call it the double dump? I hope so.

Feels good to be back.

What's this video have to do with the post? Listen at 5 seconds. Seth could not resist. We have so much in common.

Poor Beck... he has no chance.

8 Months and Miserable

Beck is 8 months old today and I would love to write a post about all the things he does at 8 months but I am too tired to think.

Beck is 8 months old and MISERABLE.

We went to the doctor yesterday and he was diagnosed with his 3rd ear infection. And by 3rd, I really mean 1st which hasn't gone away in the 3 trips we've been to the doctor over the past month. We're going back in 2 weeks and if it still hasn't gone away we'll be talking tubes.

SURGERY FOR MY BABY.

Maybe the ear Gods forgot, but I am still a part of the La Leche League (but not really). Breastfeeding is supposed to support the immune system and now my teeny, tiny 19 lb 4 oz tot could possibly be going under the knife. I guess maybe it kept the tubes away for some time but nothing could stop our family's bad ear genes. I've had tubes, my brothers had tubes and Seth's sister had tubes. Poor thing didn't stand a chance.

Oh and guess what? We moved! And I love it! And I can't wait to show pictures. And we'll be homeOWNERS this week! And will be $8,000 richer in 3 weeks! And best of all Beck will be ear infection free! Crossing our fingers...